Every so often a tiny, seemingly insignificant moment in time will somehow change the way we live our life forever. Sometimes it is something we know, but life is so busy that we have forgotten, sometimes it is something new.
Yesterday I experienced such a moment.
Life has been so crazy busy for the most part of two months now making it seem almost impossible to fulfil those that should be the simplest of the days tasks and still have time for rest.
Sweet, sweet rest. Oh, how I miss thee!
But yesterday, I finished up at the office and drove off to pick Alexander up from school, in plenty of time although I had struggled all day with a deep seated fear that I would be late.
After all, it has been so long since I had to juggle the whole working mother gig.
Alexander came running out of his classroom, delighted as always to see me, to kiss me hello and tell me that Yes, he'd had a wonderful day.
I overheard the daughter of one of my friends mention a school activity that I'd forgotten about... the permission note signed, the money enclosed along with it still sat at home, on our dining table... Alexander had not been able to attend.
My heart broke, and immediately I teared up. My son... my beautiful son had missed out on something at school simply because I was not organised.
I apologised over and over. And, over and over he promised me that it was OK.
Later in the night, he and his father sat at the table together while I washed the dishes.
They always have that time, a half hour or so before bed for just the two of them.
That time when they talk and laugh and play Uno, Snap or Star Wars Guess Who means so much to Alexander.
I overheard a whisper. Alexander was telling David how I had forgotten the note for school.
I listened to what I could, though I know I shouldn't have. He should be allowed that time, to talk to us individually if he needs to.
He told him of how I had been upset by it, that I had felt terrible.
He told him not because he was disappointed, but because he felt that David could offer the reassurance that I needed to know that it was just a simple little mistake, that anyone could have made. He was worried that I felt like a bad mother.
He whispered so that I would not hear, and become upset again.
How lucky am I?!
To have such an incredibly beautiful 7 year old who just knows things.
He just knows...
He is so smart and intuitive and I love him oh-so-much it hurts.
But that moment...
that very moment of seeing the world through his young, and yet somehow worldly eyes
offered me a glimpse of something I had long since forgotten.
That is truly is OK to forget sometimes.
That It is OK to be less than perfect - for anything more is impossible.
That It is more than OK to be
... Simply human.
And that there, that very moment reminded me of something so much deeper.
That being human means stopping...
...Slowing down to breathe
...To laugh so hard your belly hurts and you gasp for air
...To share moments
...To hold my son in my arms so tight, and yet somehow never quite tight enough
...To jump on beds
...To sing
...To dance
...To tell everyone I love, just that
...That I love them
..........................
I will let Alexander jump on beds
...and I will jump with him.
...I will let him play in dirt and wear gumboots with board shorts, if he wishes
...I will let him talk far too loud and way too fast in my ear because he is excited and I will not hush him
...and dance in the rain
...and roll in the grass and maybe even the mud,
should he choose
...and tell me everything that is happening in the movie I have already seen 100 times
...and let him pretend he can not tie his shoe laces so that he can hang onto one more moment that his Mummy can spend helping him.
I will let him eat fairy bread for dinner {once in a while},
should he ask
...leave the crusts from his toast
...Because who does it hurt?
...What harm can it do?
...Because life is too precious to be spent arguing, worrying, hurting over things that really don't matter so much in the Grand Scheme if things
...and because today is just that
...Today
By tomorrow, this day is gone and we have one less day to share, to love, to teach, to learn,
to relish in the beauty that is this moment we have
...Now
...Now
...while it is here
Because tomorrow he will be one day older and we will have missed the opportunities that were here today.
...My heart is so very full of love for this boy that it just might overflow...
3 comments:
Hayley: This was a comment left for me on my facebook by a lovely young lady who is a dear friend of one of my younger sisters, and therefore our family.
She is also the proud mother of 3 gorgeous little guys and number 4 is on the way! I love to get feedback like this, it is motivational and inspiring!
Here it is:
"hayley i had a look at this site and it is amazing... i love every single photo you take and not just because the people in them are people that i love so much... i cant wait til i get a bigger pregnant belly to see what ideas you came up with for me but there is no doubt in my mind that they too will be amazing! your doing such a great job and your an inspiration to people like me who have a keen interest in photography... well done with what you have achieved and please keep taking beautiful shots for me to look at cause i love them"
Hayley: Another beautiful note from over at Facebook, Such beautiful kind words!
I am spoilt with love!
Here it is: hi there sweetheart just looked at all your photos and lv every one of them keep them coming you have a special gift for this stuff.lv ya heaps talk to you soon torea xoxoxoxoxox
What a BEAUTIFUL post!! and a beautiful young man you have there with a big heart!♥
~TidyMom
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